I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
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