The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.