Texts From Last Night

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  (847): View more from Illinois

  I'm at derby!

  (847): View more from Illinois

  The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.

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  (847): I'm at derby! (847): The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time. http://tfl.nu/hrlc
  Replies (9) Good night (1400) Bad night (501)
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  (410): View more from Maryland

  She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.

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  (410): She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard. http://tfl.nu/ezls
  Replies (9) Good night (548) Bad night (2813)
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  (651): View more from Minnesota

  After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive

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  (651): After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive http://tfl.nu/5g38
  Replies (16) Good night (615) Bad night (3128)
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss

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  (847): True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss http://tfl.nu/8437
  Replies (22) Good night (5111) Bad night (539)
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  (951): View more from California

  my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.

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  (951): my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands. http://tfl.nu/553v
  Replies (21) Good night (4394) Bad night (1092)
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  (304): View more from West Virginia

  The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.

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  (304): The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke. http://tfl.nu/dnme
  Replies (9) Good night (2080) Bad night (488)
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  (305): View more from Florida

  Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!

  (216): View more from Ohio

  Look at your life. Look at your choices.

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  (305): Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up! (216): Look at your life. Look at your choices. http://tfl.nu/vob0
  Replies (7) Good night (1222) Bad night (672)
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  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?

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  (978): By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner? http://tfl.nu/55b6
  Replies (4) Good night (1449) Bad night (480)
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  (716): View more from New York

  you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"

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  (716): you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee" http://tfl.nu/ycun
  Replies (1) Good night (417) Bad night (642)
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  (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?

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  (902): Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that? http://tfl.nu/n34x
  Replies (0) Good night (466) Bad night (523)
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  (480): View more from Arizona

  So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.

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  (480): So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely. http://tfl.nu/qe4o
  Replies (2) Good night (568) Bad night (285)
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  (865): View more from Tennessee

  My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.

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  (865): My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together. http://tfl.nu/dn4t
  Replies (2) Good night (663) Bad night (239)
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.

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  (410): well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you. http://tfl.nu/1rtw
  Replies (5) Good night (653) Bad night (274)
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  (217): View more from Illinois

  yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant

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  (217): yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant http://tfl.nu/oubr
  Replies (4) Good night (578) Bad night (279)
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?

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  (330): Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night? http://tfl.nu/irts
  Replies (0) Good night (590) Bad night (258)

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