My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
These 19 Underage Drinkers Epicly Got By With A Horrible Fake ID
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
These Are The 21 Strangest Sexual Fantasy Confessions
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.