pop tarts are not kleenex
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.