he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
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He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
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My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
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