Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Randomize
