i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
