So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
