he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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