i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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