You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
When are your genitals available?
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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