Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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