I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Someone came in the potted fern
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
