and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
