Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Randomize
