He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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