Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
