What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Randomize
