He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
i need some magic done to my vagina
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
