She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
