dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Randomize
