I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
