Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
