the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
