he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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