doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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