so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
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