Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
