I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
