Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
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