I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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