I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize
