After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
