This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
