she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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