She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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