Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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