Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
i came on her dog
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
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