i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
