no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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