eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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