This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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