This is not my ceiling
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
