i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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