so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
