thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
