can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize