Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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