Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
