she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
