i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Randomize
