On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
