I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
