i wish my penis had a tongue
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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