Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Randomize
