doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
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