...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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