birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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