oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
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