Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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