my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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