this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets