There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
21 Embarrassing Stories From Adults Who’ve Crapped Their Pants
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.