I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
