i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
i'm home, then i'll come over
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?