What should our trivia night team be named?
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.