woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
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