My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
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