you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize