so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
