i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
