I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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