sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
