Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
