Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
And then he peed in my hair
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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