If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
