I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
