you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
there is glitter all over my balls
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