Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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