I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
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Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
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I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I believe in your delicious
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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